Monday, September 24, 2012

You got a fast... I got a plan to get us outta here

Have you ever felt so strongly about someone???

I've been in and out of shitty relationships... I thought I would never find the kinda love that doesn't hurt... I thought that it would never happen to me.

I've never met someone where I could truly be me right from the beginning, wild crazy fun me... Until I met him. I know it hasn't been long... And people probably think I'm crazy and whatnot but I don't care. I could honestly wholeheartedly say that he completes me.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I'll scream till I'm sore, but I'm only screaming at that same wall....

So my sister told me that a 13yr old in my town committed suicide because they were being bullied...

To me that hits home... When i was a kid I was bullied. I completely hated school.  I had very few friends, but the friends I had were always there for me. I was a lot heavier in middle school and high school.  I was made fun of for being fat. I always thought that i would never amount to anything. I was completely and utterly depressed about the way i looked. When i was 16 i got a boyfriend... i thought great!!!! He really loves me for who i am and what i look like. 

Mistake #1... believing that he actually cared. He was just as bad as the kids making fun of me. He would constantly put me down, and I stayed around because i thought that no one would ever want me. He even cheated on me, but i still stuck around.(Mistake #2) At that end of that tumultuous relationship it was the end of senior year... By then i was completely burned out.  I went off to college in the fall(just to a local one) He eventually told me that he wasn't attracted to me anymore and no one will ever want me.

I was completely done! I couldn't handle it anymore... I got away from the people that made my life hell in school... and i needed to get away from him.  Even after 2 years of not dating him he still bothered me. He would send me nasty emails, texts, and even come to my job and try to get me in trouble with his new girlfriend. Reaaaallll presssh right???? I thought i finally escaped...By this point I had friends that would do anything for me, and my one friend went to the local police department to file a complaint. Just in case anything would happen....

From Back then till now(this very second) has been a rocky journey for me.  I was in and out of relationships. In and out of school not knowing what i wanted to do. I probably drank too much and smoked too much. I ate too much.  I dieted too much.  I was all over the place... 

Looking back at all of that at this very moment... I could honestly say I'm a stronger person because of it.

Always Remember:

  • Never EVER let anyone put you down
  • Don't let anyone tell you that you are worthless
  • Be able to learn how to walk away from any situation
  •  Learn to love yourself
  • Your true friends will stick by your side...No MATTER WHAT!
  • Fight for your life... you only have one
  • When bad things happen rise above and conquer them
  • And always know that wherever you are, if you are alone or not... that someone loves you!!
Me...past and present.
 I couldn't ask for better people in my life

And as for him... Every cloud has a silver lining...He is my silver lining.

Monday, September 17, 2012

crazy life!


Life.... woooah! school has been crazy overwhelming! I haven't blogged in awhile!

school... I keep having this unsettling feeling that im doing the wrong thing. I really wanted to get into the nursing program, but i didn't. Thats what i orginally wanted, but got into the surgical tech program.  Im having nightmares about sterile environments, instruments, and misplaced sponges!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Not to mention you have to scrub the crap out of your hands and arms. I think someone should just smack me in the face. hahahaha ...If i happen to disappear... there will be one place you will find me. Sitting on a beach with the wind in my hair and the sand inbetween my toes.

Ok, ok... maybe im just overdramatzing it,  but still... sooo confused.

I want to go back to NYC!!!!!!!  Central Park <3
Well I did have something good happen to me, but i dont want to discuss it just yet! I don't want to jinx it!!!! lol :o))))))))))))))

Time to get ready for school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

a little lax....

Hey guys!!!!
 sorry i haven't published anything in awhile!!!!!! i have been uber busy with school!!! its chaotic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  im not really a fan of it too much, but whatever!   i have so much to say but unfortunately i ran out of time!!!!!  

i promise to blog again! very very soon!